Online Dating, The Greatest Scam of the 21st Century

Yes normally I use this blog to talk about entertainment. However, as I get days closer to my 35th birthday I wanted to talk about a topic that has bothered me for sometime.

I will agree some people have used online dating and found their significant other, have married and seem to have had nothing but a positive experience. I am not saying that online dating doesn't have the a good side to it, unfortunately that is not my experience.

There are no shortage of sites out there to help you find that special someone. We have Tinder, Match, EHarmony, Christian Mingle, OkCupid, Plenty of Fish, Jdate, Jswipe(which are useless in Little Rock as the size of the Jewish population is about the size of a shoe box). There are sites for the LGBTQ community, sites that cater towards the black community, hell there is a site for people who have cats.(trust me I signed up) the lists goes on and on. For me I have tried most of the common ones including a few of the newer ones like Elite Singles. And they have all produced the same result, frustration and a deeper hatred for myself.

The truth is, once you are no longer in school dating is hard. And today the dating culture is nothing like it was say ten years ago. Yes people still go to bars and do meet that way, but most if my friends, who are in serious relationship met their other half's online.

Years ago during my trip to C2E2 (Chicago Comic and Entertainment Expo) I signed up for Sci-Fi speed dating and it was a blast. And I actually got a date out of it. I haven't found anything close to that living in Arkansas and Little Rock doesn't have the worlds most exciting night life so I am really stuck with two options. Hope to run into someone at the grocery story or online dating.

I won't ignore the fact that living in the south most men have been married and have children. And considering I don't really wan't kids, that's a whole different problem. I have been on these site since college and have had the same bad luck no matter where I am living.

Most of these sites claim they will find you the perfect person to spend the rest of your life with. Match and EHarmony are notorious for claiming they are the number one site for people to meet one another. They are also very good at getting what I can only assume are paid actors or paid members to say just how wonderful their site is and how it was the best decision they ever made. So when you're looking for a way to meet people that isn't sitting at a bar with a watered down drink in your hand hoping someone might come and talk to you those commercials provide an alternative. However, it always seems those people in those commercials are beyond beautiful, which also doesn't help seeing that none of the people in match group look like those people and if they do I am bound to find the phrase "I go to the gym daily" in their profile. Don't get me wrong, having a healthy life style and an outlet are very important, but how is it almost every guy I come across are dude bros who live at the gym. Reading the phrase Gym Rat does not make me want to get to know you.

So you sign up, fill out a profile, answer questions to help narrow down your matches, and upload pictures of yourself in the most flattering light and position in the hope you will meet that one and only. Nowadays you need to pay for access to special features like being able to read your messages, or sending winks or flirts of whatever the hell that particular site calls it. And it's not cheap. For match, for 3 months it's over $70. Which for some isn't a lot of money, but it can get pricey if you don't meet someone in those three months. Of course prices very from site to site, but the same problem lingers, it can be expensive.

I have seen a lot of profiles and some of the most hateful things have been said in the effort to find that perfect match. Men apparently don't think before they just start typing. I have read profiles that literally say no fatties! I am not a thin girl, I will never be one, and yes by social standards I am fat and obese. But the last thing anyone wants to see when scrolling through pictures of potential significant others is a huge sign saying don't bother or even look at me you're already to ugly for me to even talk to. Obviously there's not a lot you can do about that, it's not considered hate speech and it doesn't really break any of the rules of the site. But you get a feeling that these sites are like an exclusive club or sorority that can't technically deny anyone access to their site, but they don't have to do anything to stop people from being curl and making people want to leave. 

Once you have your profile setup and you start to look through the number of potential matches you find out quickly just how much the culture of dating as changed. I have seen more and more couples asking for someone to join them. Which drives me nuts, because there has to be a place for them. There are also a number of men who say they are happily married and in an open marriage. Once again isn't there a place they can go!

I have payed to use these sites and I quickly realize all those people on the other sites are on the site I was paying for. Which makes my head hurt thinking about it. Why spend 70+ dollars every three months when you can use a free site. Some might say you get a better quality of matches with the paid sites. I would love to say that has been my experience but the truth is, it really was the same people on the other sites. And paid of not they still didn't answer and ignored my requests or messages.

I think the most frustrating part of this whole experience is that exciting moment when you match with someone You go to send them a message or see who it is and before you logon that person has dematched you. Or you do send them a message and they dematch you. I can't figure that one out. What could I or anyone in that situation possible have done to cause that? Some will argue they'd met someone and forgot to delete their account or whatever lame excuse people can think of in the moment. I have apparently met a lot of men who just forgot to delete their profiles. I have also run into that moment when you read a profile that sounds amazing and then you meet them and realize it was all bullshit.

I have never had good luck with relationships. It seems most of the men I match with want FWB or something along those lines. I have never had the experience where I met a guy and we actually dated. One could argue at least you got sex out of it. Sure that can be seen as a plus, until you realized you're too old for this shit. You want something real and honest and all the real decent men don't want you. And it doesn't help my past experiences have left me scarred and broken. In today's world where everything is online it makes sense dating would follow. But we have created a world where men and woman can say and do one thing and get away with being mean and rude because there is a screen between them and the person they're talking to.

Unfortunately there are a lot of negative aspects to online dating. People can put up this amazing profile and persona that you think will turn into your perfect match. That's just it though, if they message or responded to any message you send in the first place.  I don't think you get a refund from eharmony or match if you don't find that perfect match, and since there are fewer and fewer places to go and meet people what are your choices? I could join a nunnery, but that's not a real solution or I can just keep trying the online sites in the hopes I find my diamond in the rough. 

Living my Best Life! A Short Road Trip to Georgia and South Carolina

As I get older I realize more and more that the number of friends we have truly shrinks and you're left with, if you're lucky, maybe three close people in your life whom you can call a true friend.

Maybe your numbers are more or maybe less, but that's not my point. The point is, those who are your real friends will be there when you need them, even if you're 9+ hours away and you haven't seen them in 5 years.

This blog post is about that friend and one heck of an adventure. 

Let me introduce you to Renetta DuBose. We met in grad school 12 years ago. She stood up and said "anyone want to go to a movie?" And that was it! We became besties from there on out! 

Netta is a brilliant Journalist. She was able to do what I was not in the world of Journalism. She works hard and is an inspiration to all those around her.  

She moved to Augusta Georgia, and over the years has made a name for herself. I moved to Little Rock and decided it was time to leave journalism. So our once similar career paths went in two very different directions. 

We've always stayed in touch, phone calls, text, meme's etc. But after 5 years and one promotion it was time to head down south and see this wonderful lady face to face. 

Augusta Georgia, for those who might not know sits on the border between Georgia and South Carolina. In fact if you go to North Augusta you'll be in South Carolina.  But before I could make it Georgia I had to drive through Arkansas, Mississippi and Alabama. 

I'd stopped in Alabama to get something to eat. As I decided on the exit to take I saw a road sign that caught my eye.

  For those who don't know I am a NASCAR fan. I had no idea I'd be passing the speedway but it was meant to be, so I took a small detour and stop for a few pictures. 

I'd never been to Alabama and I guess you could argue I still really haven't been. But as I was driving I have to say the drive was beautiful. 

But when I drove into Georgia.........

           

I don't think the pictures do the view justice, but the color of the flowers were breathtaking. It made for a nice view as I trucked my way to Augusta.

I arrived in Augusta much later than I wanted but finally after 9+ hours of driving I made it!!  I wish I had gotten a picture of Netta's face. As soon as the door opened it was like a bright ray of sunshine filled around me, and standing right there in front of me was the best thing I'd seen all day. The look on her face was amazing. And in that moment it was like everything bothering me melted away.

I got settled and the first thing we did was, well deal with this!



Yup, that's right! Leave it to me to hurt myself right before having to go on a 9 hour road trip! But you bet your ass this wasn't going to stop me! We talked and caught up and squealed and kept saying "OMG I can't believe the last time we saw each other was 5 years ago!" We may be adults but in that moment we were giddy school girls who's parents lets us have a long weekend sleepover.

We decided to go and pickup some dinner before some more chatting and figuring out our Friday game plan.

We decided on Savannah. A two hour drive from Augusta. I was so excited to go. You see, Netta and I talked about meeting up there for years, but we never made it. So now after 5 years and many conversations we were finally on our way.

We decided to sign up for a ghost tour and trolley tour.

As it turns out Netta and I had two very different definitions of Ghost Tour, But we'll get to that.

The trolley tour was great. And it was especially nice considering it was hot as all hell, and the trolley created a nice breeze. The tour was very interesting and considering my foot was majorly messed up it was nice not having the walk too much. 

 









We got to see several historic buildings and a few movie locations. The bench is no longer there but this sign is right where Forrest Gump sat and shared his story with the number of bus riders who stopped and waited. But I kind of wish it was still there :-(


But a picture was still needed.






We also got to see the oldest still operating theatre in America.

But one of the real reason I wanted to go to Savannah besides the amazing ghost stories; was to see the famous Mercer-Williams house. For those who might not recognize the name it's the house the book Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil is centered around. What was even cooler there was a reenactor who came onto the trolley as Jim Williams.

After the trolley tour ended we decided to walk around a bit. I wanted to see some of the buildings and squares up close. It was so hot so before heading to the Mercer-Williams house to get better up close look we stopped at a local coffee shop so I could get some water. Down the sidewalk from the coffee shop was a chocolate shop and Netta really wanted to check it out. So we went inside, but it was so hot, all I wanted to do was drink some water and well, die. 
And yes that is a bottle of water tucked between my boobs. If I learned anything working at a Ren Faire it's where cooling points are on the body. It was a nice little break before heading out to see some more sites. And the next place was the one place I really wanted to see.

I give you the Mercer-William House!

Sadly I was unable to get a picture of the garden which is what you see on the cover of the book Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. They didn't allow photos inside the house or garden. But nevertheless I was still able to get the outside!!

As nice as it was walking around Savannah the reality was it was hotter than a politician in hell!! If you've never been to the south, the summer months are brutal. So much so that my first year in Arkansas, despite living around the corner from the pool it was just too hot to walk. I felt it was rude to drive since I lived so close. How did I solve this problem you ask? Simple I just didn't go!

Now grant it, this mini vacation was the first weekend of October it was still so hot. I can only imagine Global Warming has played a role in this issue, but that's a post for another day.

We deiced to head back to the car and go visit the Wormsloe Historic Site. If you've never heard of this place it's okay because chances are once you see the picture below the little light bulb in your head will go ding ding I've see those before!
               

Look familiar? I have always loved the way these trees looked. So much so my back tattoo is based of these trees. It was truly an amazing area. So quite, so calm, but still so hot!

After driving down the road so we could see how the trees looked over head we decided to head back to the downtown area to check out the River Walk, get some grub and get ready for the ghost tour.

When I am on vacation I want to eat at local places, places that I have never been and has local cuisine. In my mind it helps me understand the people and the culture.

The architecture around Savannah is one of the many reasons people visit. There are many places still in use, places that were first built when the area was colonized. On our trolley tour the driver explained many of the stairways around the downtown areas are still the same ones from when the city was formed. He went on to say those steps have done many people in and if we needed proof to YouTube Saint Patrick's Day Savannah. Apparently there are a LOT of people who fall down these stairs. As we were headed down to the River Walk we happened to use those infamous stairs, and seeing that I started this trip with a tumble down a flight of stairs myself I couldn't help but take a picture.

In my opinion it's the sign that makes this picture so fun!

                                   

I made it down the stairs without tripping, thank you very much! (Just in case you were wondering) The view of the Savannah river was breath taking. We had  wonderful yet hot weather and it was nice to be by the water.
                                                                                                                                                                 
   At this moment I was truly living my best life!                          
                                                                                  
After our lovely photo shoot we were both hungry.  Netta is a vegetarian so finding a restaurant that has options for her in a place that thrives on seafood well, took a LOT of walking and reading of menus. We decided on Tubby's Seafood! Fried Green Tomatoes, Hush Puppies, Mozzarella sticks just to start us off! I was very excited for those tomatoes. The hush puppies weren't to shabby either. I ordered the fried shrimp and fries. It was really good. But what we were really looking forward to was dessert!
 

We'd read about an ice cream place called Leopold's Ice Cream. When we got there the line was out to the sidewalk. We thought wow they're packed. Turns out that was a small line! We'd talked to some locals who explained they've seen the line down the block and around the corner and that was not unusual on a warm summer night. The place was super cute. Old school place where the staff, mostly teenagers and college students, wore paper hats, black ties, white button down shirts and a red apron. As soon as we walked inside it was like be transported back in time. A time when Rock and Roll sounded like Elvis and Chuck Berry, cars were like boats and made fully of metal and people left their doors unlocked as their kids played outside until the porch lights came on.

The staff and atmosphere were perfect adding wonderful personality to the place, but it was the ice cream that pushed it over the top. I know it sounds silly, but good ice cream is not easy to find. I enjoy Blue Bell, Ben and Jerry's, but this place was on par with Oberweis, an ice cream chain back in Illinois. Best peanut butter and chocolate ice cream I'v ever had. This place reminded me so much of Oberweis, and it was nice to have a moment where I was reminded of home and good memories.

I did a mix and match of peanut better and banana ice cream in a waffle cone. Two of my favorite combinations ever, if not the best combination on the planet in my opinion. And as we sat and ate our ice cream I couldn't help but smile. It had been 5 years since I'd seen Netta in person. 5 YEARS!! In that moment it  felt like no time had passed, like we never moved to different states or moved on with our lives.

We finished our ice cream and headed out to the Ghost Tour. Now, remember when I said Netta and I had two different ideas of what a "Ghost Tour" was. I love ghost tour's. I've done several of these tours. I feel it's one of the best ways to learn about a city. However, Netta had never done a ghost tour and was very sad to discover this tour was in fact NOT a tour in which actors jump out at you and scare you. 

 Netta thought we'd be on a trolley and people dressed like the actor pictured above were going to jump out of corners inside old historic homes and down the street as the trolley strolled through. When she quickly discovered this actors were in fact not there to scare us, but to give us the ghostly history lesson of places like the Weed House, and the Mercer-Williams house her excitement quickly faded. I felt so bad, but in true Netta form she smiled through it and said it's okay I'm just glad you're having a good time! 

If you don't know what the Weed House is, it's one of the most haunted houses in America. Savannah is built on it's dead. If you don't believe me google it. The entire city built on the tops of their dead, no wonder the whole city is an active hot spot for the paranormal! And if you're wondering, no I didn't see any ghosts and believe me I looked through my pictures. But we did get to see some amazing historic items. 

                               

When the ghost tour ended we headed back to Augusta. I was exhausted, but I didn't care, I had a great time!

Saturday morning was rough. Everything hurt, and my foot was so sore. It's true, the older you get the harder it is to bounce back. Oy!! We decided to stay in Augusta. We planned on going to the Farmers Market, but before that Netta took me to a local breakfast place called Metro Diner. 

                                           

Netta had a pancake that was bigger than my head and I tried chicken and waffles! I'd never had chicken and waffles and wasn't sure I'd like it. But I figured since I enjoy honey on my chicken, syrup was probably going to be just as good. And I was right. It was a great breakfast, so much food I couldn't finish it. 

We finished eating and headed to the farmers market. It was a decent size market with everything you'd expect to find at a farmers market. Fresh foods, crafts and a little culture. 

Netta was really excited about taking me downtown where the James Brown statue was located. I didn't know this but James Brown was a native Augustan. I'm not 100% sure that's what they call themselves but I think it sounds right. She told me every time someone comes and visits she HAS to take them downtown to have their picture taken with the statue.  

That night we drove into South Carolina to the Big Mo Drive in Theater. I'd never been to a drive-in movie so I was super excited. We got a pizza and some other snacks, opened the back of her Lexus and setup blankets and pillows. The sound played through the radio in the car. I was sort of bummed they didn't have the original stand speakers playing the sound. But the fact there is still a drive-in was cool enough. Most have closed because changing over to the digital format was too expensive and sadly drive-in movies are a dying form of family entertainment. 

It was a great end to our amazing adventure. Considering it was our love for movies that brought us together it seemed fitting it was a double-feature in a drive-in that ended my trip. 

The next morning came too quick. I wish we had more time. Sadly, the fact is we're not millionaires and have to work to pay them bills. And I didn't want to say too long considering I still had a nine hour drive head of me.

We said our good-bye's and gave each other the hardest longest hug we could. And with that I was off, onto the highway. back to the real world.

It's not the amount of time you spend with someone, or even where you spend it. It's more about the person or people you spend the time with. Like I said when I started this post, as we get older we're lucky if we have at least one true friend. I'm lucky I have three. And it doesn't seem to matter how far apart we live, or how many years we go without physically seeing each other. What matters and what counts is that feeling you get being with them. It's that feeling that no matter what happens, the good, the bad, and even the very very ugly, they are there and always will be!